distance in the air...

It's so strange. I feel a distance. A disconnection to my own life? I told you, strange. I know there will be valleys and that sometimes I put myself there and that sometimes God puts me right in the belly of my own consequences to learn to reach out to him just the same. Its hard when its grey. When its not sunshine and yellow out! Where is my fire? Am I lost? Or right where I'm suppose to be. Its like I want to be somewhere else. Like that would make things all right.
My friend, coincidentally-wait scratch that-I dont believe in coincidence rather a God thing, sent me a daily devotional on feeling exhausted and a few days before that my mother in law sent me a similar email titled, "are you exhausting yourself" talk about a God thing. I love how He speaks to me just when I need it and when He is faithful to me when I'm questioning. I read this once and it stuck, "Questioning is good. It draws the best from us. It calls us to action." Basically, the intention of the readings were to encourage and remind us that we will and should be exhausted in Him. I love this thought but am also struggling with it. Service. Something I love to do but have struggled with in the past because I have over committed and never want to do God's work half way. Paul and I recently starting serving communion at our church together. It's such a blessing in my life. To be able to feed other disciples Christ's body and blood. It makes me teary almost every time I serve when I look into the eyes of other believers and say Christ's blood shed for you. That moment is so humbling. ..."We owe it to God to be our best for His lambs and sheep, as well as for Him." And that "He saved and sanctified me to exhaust me. Be exhausted for God, but remember that He is your supply. “All my springs are in you”(Psalm 87:7)Feeling unsure about things right now.Working on this for sure and myself.